i was feeling somber, emo, despressed.. whatever its called.

So at a particular point in the night i began to ask people if it was possible for them to meet up with me and keep my company.

Round and round, eventually its still only him i guess.

The guy that is the best and worst friend.

At 1am, he drives over and i leave home, with permission this time-surprising aye?

And then he takes me for a little drive and then we get back to his house.

We decided to smoke up a little, and so sitting at his 'balcony' we used the little instrument he just made.

At first i had 2-3 cones and i felt the effect already. i think i should have jut left it at that. But i went for a 4th one. The feeling was pretty much like getting really really drunk.except better.

I was laughing at everything and making better jokes at a quicker time. or so i think LOL

and then i started to follow him around like a puppy unconsciouisly. It was prtty funny actually.

Then we went into his room and just laid there for a bit before we ;).

Its interesting. At one point i was pretty much talking to the inside self of me, and it was a younger version of me...an unflattering image.and i had all thse things showing up in my head.

Unsurprisingly i began to think of people. Them. Him. amazing how the first person i would think about is not the one infront of me.And infact i think it was only that moment that i could really remember his face. He then woke me (i didnt really fall asleep...just.. closing my eyes and flying away) asking me what i was thinking about and i said "you'd never guess." and i guess that reflected how i felt about it.

Eventually, he settled into my head.

And i dont know. i think, this is how a platonic friendship is. I actually noticed the difference between now and before. How my body just responds differently. And i dont think its the drugs.

Despite it all though, it was the loudest sex i've ever had.

I realised the different sounds i was making; animal farm really LOL and with each different position and different place i would go an octave higher or lower LOLOL. it was very fun i admit. and i think in the car back him i said something along the lines of "that was the loudest sex i've ever had. I wonder if i woke your neighbours. But i think its a good thing for them. im telling them to wake up and have sex" LOLLL i swear i grew some sort of an accent.

Though its funny that.. when you actually pull your head together, you can actually focus...although the sex was good there was a point where i went down and the weed+gagging = >< but i kept on going and he reached his climx too. then i went to rinse, and when i got back i realised it was 3 so i told him to take me home.

I can be persistant at times i guess.

And i guess that was also another sign to me that he was nothing more than a friends with benefits to me.

In the car, i dont know what led up to the point, maybe he was just seeping it in to me at tht state so i take it softer but im pretty sure he said "After knowing each other for so many years... we can tell thers something really wrong with each other" and i only nodded.

I also realised that im less active when im high, unless im told to be. When im high and my eyes are closed i just want to lay there forever, not move.

And unlike my night before, somewhat ironic, i think i know what i want now more than ever.